The Ultimate People Pleaser’s Guide to a Chill Christmas
Christmas can feel magical, but if you’re the one making it all happen, it can also feel like a 3-ring circus with you as the ringmaster.
If you’re a mom, you know this well—juggling family expectations, crafting the "perfect" Christmas, and managing a to-do list longer than the reindeer lineup. Suddenly, you’re the planner, the magic-maker, the head elf behind every festive touch, feeling like if you don’t do it all, nobody will. (Psst: they probably won’t.)
But this year, let’s skip that default people-pleaser routine. Let's pause, have a reality check, and question why you’re doing it all.
And, if you’re nodding along, maybe it’s time for a Christmas Chill Cheat Sheet—a way to enjoy the season without trying to be the Holiday Hero.
Why Moms Feel the Pressure at Christmas
Let’s be real—people-pleasing doesn’t pop up out of nowhere. It’s rooted in complex expectations, especially for millennial moms, who often carry an unspoken, learned pressure to keep everyone happy, smooth out life’s wrinkles, and hold it all together. And before we get too self-critical, remember, YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM, and your partner (if applicable) is not the problem (no seriously, they aren’t).
This urge to do it all? It’s rooted in systems much bigger than us—and yep, it’s the patriarchy at work again, keeping women small and “kind.” Moms have been handed a social blueprint that says holiday magic falls squarely on us.
So, getting frustrated with your partner or deciding to “just do it all yourself” doesn’t solve the root issue—and it sure doesn’t make for a chill Christmas.
Here’s is my simple 3 steps to creating your guide to a chill Christmas, complete with helpful tips and affirmations.
1. The Invisible Work: The Never-Ending To-Do List
Moms seem to end up handling everything—cooking, decorating, shopping, remembering every third cousin’s gift preference. But ask yourself, honestly, why do we take this on? Society tells us "good moms" do it all, and that holiday magic is somehow our domain. But listen, magic is real, but you don’t need to produce all of it.
2. The Pressure Cooker: Social Media’s Influence
From perfect Instagram decor to lavish gifts, social media loves to turn up the holiday pressure. But let’s be real—your house doesn’t need to look like a Pinterest board to feel festive. I’ve been there, trying to achieve that “magazine” look. Now, I focus on making memories, not stress. Imperfect lights and crumpled gift wrap still count as Christmas spirit.
3. The Holiday Circus: Family Dynamics
Nothing tests patience quite like holiday family gatherings. Old habits resurface, unsolicited advice flows, and you’re probably the designated “peacekeeper.” I learned the hard way that my own comfort was worth defending. Like, maybe it’s okay not to make the elaborate turkey dinner and instead suggest potluck. And you know what? When I started speaking up, the sky didn’t fall. In fact, some family members thanked me for keeping things low-key.
The Power of Saying “No” (Without the Guilt)
Ah, the holiday “no.” Scary, right? But saying “no” can actually be the best gift to yourself. Last Christmas, I finally skipped a few extra commitments and cut down on the gift list. Yes, it felt radical, but it also felt right. I had to remind myself: if I wanted a peaceful Christmas, I had to put my own sanity on the list.
Snarky Affirmations for a Chill Christmas
Because let’s face it, we all need a laugh to get through this season. Here are a few affirmations that have kept me grounded:
“Not today, Elf on the Shelf! I refuse to be guilted into elaborate setups.”
“I surrender to the chaos, and I will NOT feel bad about taking a breather.”
“I refuse to stress over perfectly wrapped presents.”
“I give myself permission to say ‘no’ to extra holiday events.”
Recognizing When to Step Back
The holidays don’t have to be a balancing act of pleasing everyone else while ignoring your own needs. Here’s what I’ve learned as a therapist, and as a mom with ADHD: Only you know what will make the season less stressful for you. Your partner won’t magically initiate things if you’ve always taken care of it all; your kids will experience some disappointments, and family members might still offer unsolicited advice.
The key is to recognize that it’s not your responsibility to keep everyone happy. Communicate clearly and set boundaries. And yes, sometimes it’s easier to default to “people pleaser” mode, but at what cost?
How to Create a Chill Christmas (Sans Stress or Guilt)
Let’s start a new tradition—a “chill” Christmas that doesn’t leave you wiped out by New Year’s. Instead of aiming for holiday glory, focus on a peaceful, enjoyable season that leaves you calm enough to actually feel the magic.
Assertive Communication with Family
Whether it’s about who’s buying which gifts, managing kids' expectations, or shutting down unsolicited advice, clear communication is your best friend. Try scripts like:
“I’m focusing on my family this year, so I’ll be keeping it low-key.”
“We won’t be buying gifts for everyone this year, but I’d love to have a cozy, simple get-together instead!”
If you’re tired of doing it all, it’s time to talk. Chances are, they don’t even realize how much you’re doing. Instead of holding onto silent resentment, have an honest conversation about who’s doing what (and whose NOT doing what).
Remember, Chill Doesn’t Mean Perfect
A chill Christmas doesn’t mean everything goes smoothly. It means you handle the chaos with a focus on what’s going to make you feel grounded. There will still be meltdowns, hurried moments, and even disappointments. But when you give yourself permission to let go of unrealistic expectations, you’ll notice the difference.
Sign Up for the FREE Chill Christmas Guide
Ready to create a more peaceful holiday season but not sure where to start? I’ve got you covered. In these emails, you’ll get simple tips, go-to scripts, and practical ways to handle tough moments without sacrificing your sanity. Imagine a Boxing Day where you feel peaceful, proud, and relaxed—knowing you prioritized what truly matters.
This Christmas, let go of people-pleasing and finally create the holiday that you (and your family) actually enjoy. Here’s to a season filled with true joy, unwrapped expectations, and the gift of self-compassion.
As the holiday season approaches, remember this: Christmas doesn’t have to mean becoming the overworked, behind-the-scenes elf making magic for everyone else. You deserve a holiday that’s peaceful, meaningful, and enjoyable - yes for you too. This year, embrace a new approach—one where you feel empowered to set boundaries, let go of perfection, and focus on what truly matters. Imagine looking back on Christmas Day, feeling proud of the memories created, rather than the expectations met. Here’s to creating a chill Christmas!
Ready to tackle holiday stress? Craving a Christmas filled with authenticity, calm, and true joy? Dive into this blog post for a holiday meditation, a creative art journaling practice and how to create a chill Christmas as a busy mom.
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